written on Tuesday, May. 13, 2003 at 11:03 a.m.
I don't feel so good this morning. I think this is what I've heard referred to as "guilt". Yep, I'm feelin' it.
Last night a few stupid things happened. Some stupid things with Baby Momma, mostly. At least WE thought they were stupid. She, apparently, did not. I got a most uncomfortable e-mail from her this morning, suggesting that next time we will do more.
I guess it's the old adage: Be careful what you wish for.
My intention was just for something fun. Nothing deep or emotional. A little game of spin the bottle. A little touchy feely. But now I've found myself smack dab in the middle of something else. Something neither Boy nor I ever wanted. I thought it was clear -- we're married, she has a boyfriend and a child. It wasn't supposed to be anything else.
BM keeps suggesting we leave Punky out of it. That she come over without Punky. I really don't like that idea, personally. Punky is a friend of mine and I don't want to go behind her back. Frankly, I'm not really sure why she would/should care, but evidently BM thinks it's a big thing.
I always thought when you did stuff like this, you were supposed to suddenly discover you were an incredibly jealous person. It was supposed to be impossible to watch your signifigant other with someone else. That didn't bother me. The emotional strain, it seems, is coming from BM wanting more than we're interested in.
I think it's time for me to take a few days away from the way we've been living. Too much alcohol and too many bowls are causing cloudy judgement.
Yes, I definitely think some time off is in order here.
Love,
