written on Tuesday, May. 13, 2003 at 10:15 p.m.
Feeling a little better tonight. I ended up talking to Punky about the stuff with Baby Momma. She made me feel a little better about it, and now that she knows, she'll make an excellent defense shield.
For now, we're just going to try and take some time and create some distance. A few days apart, with no contact at all, and then very very mellow contact after that. Hopefully she'll get the hint without having to hurt her feelings. That's the thing I'm most concerned about. She has very low self-esteem as it is, and no matter how little this has to do with her personality/attractiveness, and how much it's all about comfort level and intentions, she'll take it as a direct blow to her self worth.
It just makes me sad that it all has to be this way. Gah. I feel so guilty, but how the hell could I have known what she would try to turn this into? I spent so many years thinking about and contemplating all the warnings people gave. It'll cause trouble between you and your husband. It'll destroy your trust. Blah blah blah. The one thing I DIDN'T consider was how to handle the other girl falling for us.
I feel guilty saying so, but even if we wanted to bring someone else into our relationship, she wouldn't be the one. We don't want kids of our own, much less hers.
The icing on the cake was her coming to the store and introducing me to her son by saying "Meet your step-mom." Granted he's only 15 months old and undoubtedly didn't understand, but still. Gah.
Alright. I'm done babbling about this. I am.
* * *
I wasn't in a very good mood at work today. I completely snapped at Frumpy. Not that she didn't deserve it, but I was possibly a little harsh. Still... one way or another she will accept the fact I'm her boss, and she owes me a modicum of respect.
* * *
We're having a nice quiet night at home. I'm feeling better already.
Love,
