written on Thursday, Jun. 05, 2003 at 12:16 a.m.
Do you ever have one of those days where you're just in a crummy mood and don't know why?
Today is one of those days.
I think I started out irritated that I slept til 4 pm. 4 PM! GAH! My whole day off was *poof* GONE. And I slept through it.
After I got up, I got dressed and we went out for Mexican, then to the mall. At that point I was still in a relatively okay mood. But then I couldn't find anything I wanted at the mall, and we only had a few minutes to shop anyway. That was maximus annoyus and I'm not even sure why. Good Lord.
Then we went to Baby Momma's house. I was a big ol cranky pants and just generally on a low level of irritated the entire time. For no reason. Everyone was being cool, conversation was fine, I had plenty of sleep, it wasn't even late yet. I was just... irritated.
They all decided to go to Lion's Den, and I bowed out at that point. I had planned to come home and go off to Walmart by myself. I just felt like going off alone and medicating with some cheap shit I didn't need. Unfortunately, right after I got upstairs, Punky called and said her car battery was dying and asked if they could take my car. I agreed, figuring I'd sacrifice my plans so they could all go out and have fun. I probably would've just been irritated at Walmart anyway.
So now I'm sitting here, alone, and still annoyed.
I think the root of it is a whole lot of things. I'm tired of being fat. Tired of having no energy. Tired of our stupid money situation. Tired of work. Tired of everything. I just don't know why it all hit me today. Tonight, really.
Bizarre.
And speaking of work, Punky and I got ripped AGAIN yesterday. She went on her break 15 mins early to hang out with me at the end of my lunch. This is an accepted practice if one is not on register, and she wasn't. She let people know she was going, coverage wasn't lacking -- but Kurt found out she went early, and got pissed. He bitched her out over the phone, and by the time I got to the front of the store, he was standing outside and motioned for me to come out there.
When I did, he said "I know you and Punky are all buddy-buddy and whatever, but you can't just go changing the break schedule to suit your needs. I know you went on time, but this still can't be happening. I've heard a lot of stuff already, and you just need to cool it."
To say my blood was boiling would be an enormous understatement. I just nodded, agreed, and went back inside. Even if he wanted to make a big deal about her going on break early, it was her deicision to go, so why did *I* get ripped for it? Last I checked, she was an independant, free-moving, free-thinking individual. Not my puppet. I'm not saying it's all Punky's fault and I'm not mad I got part of the blame -- I'm just saying that if it were anyone else, only the offending party that took break early would've been bitched at.
What pisses me off most is that it's all speculation and bull-shit. We don't behave inappropriately at work. We DO our work, and a damn good job of it. But evidently since we are friends, if we speak to one another at work, or if one of us gets ill and calls off, it's this big drama.
Punky said she thinks it's best if we just ignore one another at work. While logically I know she's right, that is SO not my style. I HATE to be punished when I've done nothing wrong, and as far as I can see, ignoring one another is letting them win.
This is, quite likely, why Punky has kept friends for so many years and everyone likes her. And why the opposite is true for me.
Okay, talking about this just makes me even more irritated and NO one needs that. I think I'll go listen to some loud music and clean or something.
Love,
