written on Monday, Jun. 16, 2003 at 7:36 a.m.
I actually got some sleep -- yay! Only about 6 1/2 hours, but still... that's nearly double what I get most nights. I was out like a light as soon as my head hit the pillow.
9 1/2 hours from now I'll be done for two whole days. I can get through the next 9 1/2 hours. Yes I can. I'm tough.
I told Punky last night that in the event they ask me anything about her, I'm denying even speaking to her. I don't know if she went to the doc or how she's feeling -- I came home and went to bed early. I figure they cannot possibly blame me or drag me in to her calling off yesterday if I was at work all day and insist I didn't even see her afterward. I think it will be best for both of us if we seem as independant from one another as possible.
I guess I just better hope I don't suddenly get sicker and actually *need* to take a day off, cause that would be bad. I'm expecting to get yelled at because we hung out together and both got sick, anyway.
It really is flaming ridiculous that we should have to worry about this stuff. What we do when we're not at work shouldn't be anyone's bidness. But clearly, it is. After the store closed, Kurt said "What's wrong with you, anyway? Too much partying I bet. You should lay off that." I SHOULD? Am I partying at work? Did I drag myself to work even though I felt like poop? And is partying known to cause viral infections of the head and chest? Shit like that really gets under my skin.
Anyway...
I'm thinking I will definitely rejoin Weight Watchers. I hate getting bogged down with counting points and trying to figure out how much is in meals I cook and stuff, but it works. It was definitely effective. I'm back up to around 212 lbs which, to be honest, is 10 lbs less than I was expecting to weigh. My first goal is just to get under 200 lbs. Just being able to say my weight begins with a 1 would be a huge confidence booster. {Not that I go around telling peopl ewhat I weigh, but whatever.}
So, that's 13 lbs to lose for my first goal. Probably by the time I start, it'll be about 15 or so. I'm sure in 4 days my grandmother will most certainly fatten me up 2 lbs. If I start at the first of July, I should be able to make that goal by late September/early October. Possibly sooner, depending on whether or not I have a hefty initial loss. Last time I lost like 4 lbs the first week -- should I manage to do that, I could possibly make it by around the first of September.
Yes, I do realize this is terribly boring. But getting it all out will hopefully be motivating.
My ultimate goal is to be able to comfortably wear size 18 pants by the time I go shopping for winter work wear. I won't need to start wearing wintery clothes until probably mid-October, so that will give me a minimum of 15 weeks or so to accomplish that goal. Hopefully I could lose at least 20 lbs by then, and that would put me at around 195 -- theoretically small enough to meet that goal.
Unfortunately once the Christmas season starts in retail, all bets are off. The positive side is that I usually work an extra day and quite a few more hours during that season, so I'd get more exercise without really trying. And that would also leave me less time to sit around and eat. If I could possibly manage to make it to 190 by Thanksgiving, which would be 21 weeks, I would be totally satisfied to maintain there until after Christmas.
But all this blather aside, I've grown and learned to understand my body a lot in the past few years. I seem to be capable of losing a small amount of weight and then maintaining it for a while. I'm willing to accept that. So if I only lose 5 lbs and then get stuck, I'll deal with it. When I go to WW for a weigh in I will be about 15 lbs less than I was last year when I started at the end of July. It's no grand accomplishment and doesn't make jaws drop, but 15 lbs less is 15 lbs less. I'll take it. And if this time next year all I have accomplished is 15 more lbs... well, I'll be under 200 and sitting a lot prettier than I am right now.
Love,
