written on Wednesday, Jun. 18, 2003 at 6:51 p.m.
Mmmm two whole days off. Even though they're nearly gone, it was heavenly. And then I only have a 6 1/2 hour shift tomorrow, then another day off. I'm choosing to ignore the fact I will have to work for the next 4 days after that. YUCK.
* * *
Once again, more Baby Momma Drama. Gah. She's not speaking to us. Again.
Tuesday evening after work we all decided to go over to Punky's. Some of us wanted to swim, some of us {me} couldn't because of a new piercing, and some just went to hang out.
BM and BD came over and brought the baby. BM got in the water with him and played and we all seemed to be laughing and having a super time. After a while we parted company with plans to reconvene at my house later that night.
There were 6 of us that came to my place and we were just sorta hanging out and talking. After a time, Punky asked if anyone minded her packing a bowl. 4 of the 6 of us were definitely not a problem, the 5th said whatever... and then there was BM. Her response? "If you feel like you have to smoke to have a good time, go ahead I guess. I was hoping we could just hang out and have fun, but whatever." So Punky sat it aside and we talked some more. Shortly after, BM started saying she was tired and wanted to go to bed. Punky offered to drive her home and then come back.
When she got back, she said BM was planning to be on-line "if anyone wanted to talk". Since we all knew the guilt trips that would be laid upon us if we didn't, I turned it on. She got on-line and immediatly started bitching. She said she wasn't ready to come home, but knew we wanted rid of her. And preached about how the smoking is so much more important to us. The same spiel we've heard a hundred times before.
Thing is, until just a few weeks ago she smoked as much or more as any of us. Apparently she saw the light, and now we should see it too. If she doesn't want us to smoke around her at all, fine -- but that's not good enough. She doesn't want to hang around us at ALL until we agree to never smoke again.
It seems it makes her "sad" that we're destroying our lives. Nevermind that we're all still employed, pay our bills and function just like everyone else -- apparently our lives are falling apart.
It's all just so hypocritical, passive-aggressive and controlling. If we don't stop smoking, we don't care about her. She dances in circles, changes her story so we can never meet her criteria, and then gets pissed off. First it was just that SHE couldn't smoke anymore and didn't want us to offer it to her -- so we didn't. Then it was that she didn't want us to smoke around her -- so we didn't. And now we just can't smoke at all.
I'm really quite tired of it. Were it not for Punky, I would've told her to fuck off LONG ago. She keeps saying WE can't have fun without it -- it's HER that's been the world's biggest snatch since she stopped smoking. There are plenty of times we haven't smoked and still have fun -- clearly it's not us with the problem. She keeps telling us to "call her when we're done with it", and frankly I'd be happy to do that. Just not call her or pay attention to her at all until we decide to never smoke again. And hopefully by then, she will have just faded away.
I know that's a terrible thing to say, but really -- she thinks we have a problem, and her way of helping us through this supposed problem is to drop us like hot potatoes because we didn't receive the same enlightenment?
Fuck that.
I know, though, that Punky won't let it be. Not that I fault her for that -- she and BM have been friends for a long time, and if we DO just leave it alone, the friendship will wither and die. And I fear that if WE just leave it alone, BM will forgive Punky and not us and then Punky won't get to hang out with us much anymore.
My GOD are we back in high school?
And to top it off, we were relatively sure ID Girl was dying on us Wednesday night. She had three hits -- THREE -- and suddenly sat up, white as a ghost, clutching her chest. We got her inhaler, and slowly she got color back. For sometime she was displaying signs of imminent death, but Punky said that it was probably just an asthma attack that got too far cause she was sleeping when it hit, and everything after the inhaler was just a show to get attention.
Well, if it was, I hope she's happy. Cause she's done. She is NOT smoking at my house ANYMORE. This makes twice that she's made us think she was dying, and I can't deal with that. I WON'T. I said it before, but this time I mean it -- no more.
Okay... God this entry is long and sounds like a 15 year old. Yuck.
Love,
