written on Monday, Jun. 09, 2003 at 1:14 p.m.
Back to work again today. Urgh. Could I possibly be any less motivated? I doubt it.
Yesterday my in-laws came up for my b-day. The visit went well, as usual. No nagging and we didn't get busted for smoking. That's about all one can ask for, no? Oh, and dinner and tons of free groceries. Heh.
Sadly dinner with my in-laws was the high point of my birthday.
Punky had told me to call her after they left. I did, but she was still at her brother's graduation, so I left a message. I assummed she had planned to come over, and she had said "See ya tomorrow" when she left the night before.
So imagine my surprise when she said she was going out with some other friends. That was definitely a punch in the gut. On any other day I would've had no problem with her going out with her other friends -- in fact, I wouldn't have minded the quiet time. But on my birthday? To say my feelings were hurt would be an understatement. I choked back tears on the phone and said good-bye, then sat here and cried for a bit.
Boy was sleeping on the couch, since he was both sick and sleep deprived. But, being the evil princess I am, I asked him if he would wake up for a while. He asked when Punky was coming over, and I told him she wasn't. He seemed as surprised as me. It just doesn't seem like her to do this.
I guess in the end it just defines my place in her life. I knew her older friends would always come first, but being blown off on my birthday illustrated just how far down on the list I am.
I'm not angry, just really really hurt. I don't trust many people and let even fewer people really in. But for whatever reason, I really trusted her. Only to have that thrown in my face.
I know I'm probably being melodramatic and oohh poor me. Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine. I'm just being honest -- it hurt.
I often don't give Chicky too much credit for being a good friend. I generally think of her as just someone to hang out with. But funny thing is, of all my friends she was the only one to call and say happy birthday. She called several times, until I was home. Perhaps I am not as good a judge of people as I once thought.
I think it will be best if Punky doesn't come over tonight. For one, I have to be back at work in 11 hours after I get off. I do not need to stay up all night. For another, when my feelings are hurt I tend to get very passive-aggressive. I don't want to be another friend bringing her drama. I need some time to distance myself from the situation and emotionally from her. I don't want to end the friendship or not hang out anymore, I just need to accept what our friendship is and not try to make it more than that.
[/big fat whine]
My piercing seems to be healing okay. It didn't bleed yesterday or today, and although the bruise is still there, the swelling is going down some. Just taking it one day at a time with my fingers crossed and hoping it won't reject.
Love,
