written on Saturday, May. 17, 2003 at 12:45 p.m.
I can't believe my day off has come and gone already. That makes me sad. And the one thing I needed to accomplish -- getting my nails done -- didn't happen.
Do you ever have those days where you feel like you're sorta hovering above everything? You just don't want to do ANYTHING unless it involves total inactivity? Yeah, that's me lately. My energy is zero. Below zero, even. I got nuthin'.
Whereas a 6 1/2 hour shift used to seem like cake, all I can think now is that I have to work 2 1/2 hours without a break at some point. Doesn't the Bill of Rights say that isn't legal somehow? Gah.
I just can't seem to shake this apathy.
We looked at some of Punky's scrapbooks yesterday, and for a couple of hours, I really wanted to start a scrapbook. I came home, found a few things that would go in it, and was tired of it before I even got a book. That is SO not like me. I'm usually all excited about new hobbies for a least a few days.
I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I really need to find a way to fix this. I'm just not exactly sure how. I do know this much -- I gained 7 lbs back, and THAT has got to stop. I'm off tomorrow {see, I only have to work one day and I'm still this whiny.} I can go grocery shopping and get some healthier stuff and try to get that under control, at the very least.
I've even found myself thinking lately "If I had a baby, that would be exciting. That would cure my apathy." Could there BE a worse excuse to have a baby? I don't even WANT a baby.
I think perhaps we should look into getting health insurance, so that I can go back to the psychiatrist. As much as I haven't wanted to admit it and have chosen to ignore it, I'm beginning to think this depression is more than I can handle alone.
Damned chemical imbalances.
Love,
